The Answer
The short answer is, the Word inspired me to write it.
A longer answer is: I had been ashamed of the teachings of Yeshua, and clung to perverted teachings of the devil. Believing the lies that attempted to discredit Yeshua’s teachings, I looked at them, desiring them and consumed them. I had opened my eyes to false teachings, and had closed my ears to the truth.
Only after God gave me ears to hear the voice of my Great Shepard Yeshua would I choose to willingly begin writing this book.
The Encounter
I called out, Lord Yeshua, save me! Heavenly Father, please place me in your hands and speak to me. Open my ears so I will hear your voice, and conform me into your obedient servant. Lord Yeshua, I praise you for allowing your body to be broken for us and your blood to be shed for us. Thank you for rising again from the dead and for showing yourself alive to your disciples. I believe you ascended back to your Father in heaven and I am looking for your promised return. Heavenly Father, Thank you for giving your Holy Spirit to dwell with me and to abide in me. Your name is Holy, and I look for my King and your kingdom to come, desiring for your will to be done in earth, and in me, as it is in heaven. I ask that you provide me with food and clothes today. Please forgive me of my debts as I forgive my debtors. Lead me not into temptation. Deliver me from evil. I ask that you form me into a child that will love you with all of my heart, and with all of my soul, and with all of my mind, and with all of my strength. Form me into a man that will love my neighbor as myself. Conform me to the image of your Son.
Excuses
When God first started speaking to me about writing, I shrugged it off as not being his voice. I had excuses that to me seemed legitimate. I was not a good speaker, so how could I be a good writer? Barely graduating from high school, I believed the reason I did was so that my teachers could be done with me. My understanding of proper grammar, spelling, punctuation, and sentence structure was limited. I had no literary skills.
For a period of time, I would try to rest with my excuses, but a truly sweet sleep eluded me. It was as if there was a mark one my forehead that I could not see until I looked in the mirror. I had to come to grips with the truth that I was fearful of writing, yet this writing path was one I needed to pursue. I called out to the Lord, You really are speaking to me! You do love me, and will never lead me astray. Then I remembered the words of Yeshua: My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.
My Helper
I asked, Lord, if you want me to write, will you lead me? Yesha said, Yes, I will lead you, but you must follow me, and if you do not follow me your path will become dark, and you will lose your way. Then I remembered two passages of scripture and linked them together. The first one is written in the book of Psalms: Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. The other passage is the recorded words of Yeshua, and is written in the gospel of John: I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.
I called out, Lord Yeshua, you are the word that is a lamp unto my feet, aren’t you? You are the word, that is a light unto my path, aren’t you? Thank you, for giving me a book with your words recorded in it. I have been blessed to have easy access to it. The Lord said, your ears are opened to my voice. I am pleased that you are grateful to have the scriptures; there are many that do not have such easy access to them. Then I asked Lord, may I help? The Lord said, yes you may help. Continue talking with me, and continue listening to my voice, and follow me.
I asked the Lord, What do you want me to write about, and how do I start? The lord said, you have already started writing, but you do not recognize it. I asked, how have I been writing, Lord? He said, I noticed when you read and study the scriptures; you make lists of words and phrases. Why do you do that? I paused for a moment, then answered and said, Lord, you noticed me. You are my teacher, and I am your student! Lord, I make the lists because they help me learn about you, and they help me learn about myself. I discover answers to questions I have about life, and death, and everything in between. They help me answer questions about the past, the present, and the future. They help me see you, the way, the truth, and the life. They give me glimpses of your anger, and your wrath, and your great indignation. They give me glimpses into eternity, and a hope of spending it with you. They teach me to fear you, and to respect you, and to honor you. They teach me humility and contentment. They give me a desire to be with you, and to know you, and the power of your resurrection, and the fellowship of your sufferings. They give me a hunger and a thirst for righteousness. They reveal to me things about you and who you are: your name, your titles, your character, your personality, your reputation, your holiness, your majesty, your beauty, your wisdom, and your knowledge. They reveal to me an enemy attempting to devour me. They reveal to me the depravity of mankind, and the length to which you will go to redeem us. They reveal to me your love, and many other things.
The Lord said, understand, these helps, this learning, these questions, these answers, these glimpses, these teachings, these desires, this hunger, this thirst, this revealing, is from the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these three are one. I want you to continue following me, and continue making lists, and organize them into books. I will be with you and will not leave you nor forsake you. I love you. I said, Lord, I desire to forsake all, and I present myself to you. I desire to follow you wherever you lead. I love you Lord Yeshua.
I experienced peace and joy that I do not know how to describe with words.
Gary Estep